It’s less than 4 months to go until we get the eighth installment of Fast and Furious, and in the mean time it would appear Vin Diesel got bored and decided to have some fun killing time until then. That’s literally the only reason I can think of for a third XXX movie.

Good ole’ Vinny returns as Xander Cage, who must retrieve “Pandora’s Box”, a device capable of crashing Satellites from outer-space into specific locations on Earth.

XXX: Return of Xander Cage is essentially Vin Diesel’s heaven, in which he gets to shoot guns, make explosions, ride stunt motorbikes, cars and even skateboards, enjoy the sun soaked locations, and engage in on-screen orgies. He’s clearly having the time of his life, and to be fair to him, who wouldn’t?

Meanwhile however, the audience sat watching are imagining a million and one other ways our £7.45 could’ve been spent elsewhere, laughing at how stupid the story is, and trying to come up with the reason a third XXX film exists.

Even the loveable and incredibly talented Toni Collette looks absolutely miserable in the film, possibly wondering whether the big fat pay cheque is even worth it.

Put simply: it’s rubbish. Not even entertaining rubbish, just plain rubbish. And in April, we’ll get to see Vinny do it all over again in The Fate of the Furious, except this time he’ll also be spewing some cliché trollop about “family”.

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Jamie is a die-hard film fanatic. A weekly, sometimes daily, cinema go-er and owner of almost 2000 films on DVD, he once spent a 14 day holiday everyday in the cinema. And it was the best holiday ever.

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