With Fifty Shades of Grey, director Sam Taylor Johnson did her best with E.L. James’ erotic thriller, but despite her best efforts, not even she could save this film lacking in both eroticism and thrill.

After reported on-set clashes between author and director, Johnson is now gone, E.L. James remains, and her husband is now the screenwriter. As soon as that announcement was made, Fifty Shades Darker’s fate was set.

Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson return as Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele, as they rekindled their broken relationship following the events of Fifty Shades of Grey. But as their relationship finally begins to blossom, Anastasia is confronted by even darker aspects of Christian’s inner demons.

It took all of five minutes for me to begin laughing at Fifty Shades Darker – not because it was funny or witty, but becau se it’s just plain awful. The dialogue is an utter trainwreck and occasionally unintentionally comical.

One of the biggest criticism of Fifty Shades, both as a novel and a film, is Christian’s attitude towards Anastasia, and her willingness to allow it. After leaving him following the events of Fifty Shades of Grey, you would’ve thought the next film would focus on a more empowered Anastasia, standing up for herself…

There first interaction five minutes into the movie, he is already buying all the portraits of her modeling, remarking, “I don’t want anyone looking at you but me”. Its character development is infuriating.

But there’s plenty more reasons why Fifty Shades Darker is Fifty Shades Worse. The tension is boring, the revelations laughable, the plot senseless, the acting ill-advised and an awful soundtrack to accompany lifeless sex scenes.

It’s ironic that the third and (probably) final installment will be titled Fifty Shades Freed, because once it’s come and gone we’ll be free from having to see another one of these movies for a very long time.

I can’t wait!

Jamie is a die-hard film fanatic. A weekly, sometimes daily, cinema go-er and owner of almost 2000 films on DVD, he once spent a 14 day holiday everyday in the cinema. And it was the best holiday ever.

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