I’m at a real crossroads in my life and could really do with some sound career advice. Recently I started teaching in a reception year primary school and, after a rough start, I found that I absolutely loved it and had a real flair! The kids are great and I get such a genuine thrill from seeing their faces come to light through exploration and learing. Thing is, I kinda miss my old career too, see as I’m a police officer teaching undercover in the school in order to identify and protect a mother from her sociopathic murderous ex-husband who wanst to kill her before she can testify against him.

Which career do you think would be the most rewarding?



Ok, a few things. Are you qualified to teach? I mean, you can’t just start teaching. The developmental damage that you could be causing is absolutely unprecedented. Also, is this sociopathic murderer likely to come to the school? If so it really sounds like you’re using these children as bait. This all sounds really unsafe. Do the school know about this and have they undertaken any kind of security or DBS checks, or can anyone just walk into a school and have unsupervised and intimate time with vulnerable children? Who is the safeguarding lead of this school? 

Hi Gary,

I wanted to write in to express my frustration and concern about the on-going nusiance and hazard that is cyclists using historical New walk. There’s not a day goes by that I’m not nearly KILLED by one of the maniacs hurtling by at breakneck speed. I am further outraged by the decisions made by Police NOT to formally procecute these would-be killers on two wheels. Given your significanct influence, I was wondering if you could say or do something to get the attention of the Chief Inspector or city Mayor?

Thank you in advance,



Who hurt you? Honest to Christ, what happened in your life for you to think it proportionate to take the mild irritation of a commuter cycling past you to sit down, compose a letter and then pursue the indignity of actually sending it? In a time when the country is in financial and politician turmoil, on the brink of leaving the world’s biggest and safest economy and in the midst of environmental chaos whcih will haunt and choke future generation; this, this is what you want to complain about. Get a fucking hobby. I hear cycling is prefer relaxing, oh and good for the environment. 

Hi Gary,

I kind of did Veganuary (except dairy obviously!) and I really enjoyed all the attention I got from telling people about my tremendous Christ like sacrifice. Naturally I immediately began to eat meat again, but I really miss that feeling of self-importance and the sense of superiority you can only get from passing judgements. Next January seems so far away now so can you suggest any other fad that I could take up in a half arsed way and talk loudly about in public?



Hi there,

You’re certainly not alone on this. A few years back I stopped drinking for most of October, but this now appears to also be a January thing too which is annoying cause, well, none of us are going to do both! If you’re a guy, there’s always Movember to look forward to, but that’s a long time to wait and very gender specific. To this end, there’s a clear need to plug the gap so how about Dog-tober? You adopt a stray dog for a month, which would be great as you’ll have something physical to parade around and attract attention with. Better yet, Ape-ril. Same principal of course, but with a fucking massive gorilla in tow.

Founder and Editor-in-Chief of Great Central, John has been actively involved in Leicester's creative community for over a decade - promoting shows and releasing records under the name Robot Needs Home. He is a director of Handmade Festival, and ex member of the band Maybeshewill.

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